TRUE FATHERS’ HAND BOOK
By Enyi Nwadinobi
It is said that it takes a village to raise a child. The True Fathers was formed as a group that can assist to raise a new generation of children that will make the world a better place for all to live in happiness.
True Fathers are men above 40 years who have fathered a child and had enough experience to tell the truth to the children in other to improve their well being in the society. Integrity, wisdom, patience, kindness, love and goodness are some of the virtues of True Fathers that allow them to promote a sense of confidence in children who are needed for excellence.
True Fathers are no replacement for biological fathers, rather we assist children without father figures at home and also do our best to reconcile those with estranged fathers, divorced fathers and those with fathers that are in prison.
VISION
To be a catalyst that will inspire children without fathers at home to have the confidence that they can do great things and become successful in life.
MISSION
To arrest the present declining moral standard in the communities, by developing measurable programs that will assist us to groom a new generation of youths that can integrate and excel on the World stage.
SITUATION ANALYSIS
Generally, children of absent fathers feel abandoned, rejected and not loved. This situation in turn creates a lot of behavioral and psychological problems that could last a lifetime if not addressed quickly.
Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self confidence.
Studies have also shown that children of absent fathers end up to have lower self esteem and self confidence, and may struggle with trust issues.
Girls with absent fathers are most likely to become single teen mothers while boys are more likely to become criminals and moral deviants.
Fatherless children are at greater risk of suffering physical, emotional and sexual abuse, being five times more vulnerable that children with fathers at home.
Some psychological effects of growing up without a father include; being aggressive, depression, prone to low self esteem and poor performance in school.
In America approximately 40% of children are born to unmarried mothers. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce, with the mother, more often than not, being granted custody of the children. Even in families where the father is physically present, many are not emotionally present in the lives of the children. Many fathers are addicted to their smartphones, or to drugs or alcohol. Others are forced to work long hours, or multiple jobs, to provide for their family in the face of the ever-declining purchasing power of money. But whether emotionally or physically absent, the problem of absent fathers has reached endemic proportions and a mother cannot fill a fatherless void. For men and women possess innate biological differences that translate into different, yet complementary, parenting styles. Women are more compassionate and relationship oriented, while men are more competitive, aggressive, and oriented towards risk-taking and self-reliance. Mothers provide children with a nurturing, safe, and emotionally secure environment; while fathers challenge their children, push their boundaries, and help them cultivate autonomy
The world is witnessing a situation where the youth and Gen z are increasingly attracted to the virtual space and are losing touch with reality. The attraction to the virtual space and other societal factors have led to the following consequences.
- Lack of compassion
- No resilience
- No empathy
- Very low interpersonal relationship
- Far from reality
- No patience
- No respect and more.
True Fathers strongly believe that the present situation could be reversed by a combination of getting the fathers more involved in the lives of the children, and applying the two pillars of building character and spirituality of the children.
The present situation will take a longtime to reverse, so the option available to us is to train and equip our children not to feel alone, even when the father is absent.
THE SOLUTION
The strategy is by going back to the fundamentals of how to raise children. Everybody has to be involved in raising the children, parents, grand parents, teachers, mentors, family friends and well wishers.
TRUE FATHERS PILLARS
We are hinging our mission on two strong pillars. The first pillar requires physical interaction
that will help the children in building the character that will prepare them for the world.
Without character, you can not make a meaningful and sustainable progress in life. You can be a
successful sports person and a millionaire, but without character, all these can crash and you will become nothing.
1. BUILDING CHARACTER
Character is the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. Our monthly activities with the children will focus on helping them to promote positive attributes that will impact on a person’s character.
MONTHLY CHILDREN PROGRAM (PHYSICAL APPROACH)
Our program comes up on every last weekend of the month. It gives the True Fathers and the biological Fathers the opportunity to interact with children at different times and places.
FRIDAY ACTIVITY
With the approval of the school district, True Fathers will like to have a special lunch with the children at the school premises. This activity will include a short motivational speech at the cafeteria, followed by lunch and an interactive session between Fathers and children where school work and career discussions are entertained.
SATURDAY ACTIVITY
We partner with so many outlets, including restaurants, movie houses, parks, game houses and other entertainment places to give discounts to any father that brings his children out for a treat on a True Father’ weekend. This strategy will create an opportunity for fathers and their children to bond, bring them closer and more importantly, give them a feeling of being loved. The feeling of being loved is a wonderful ingredient in the life of a child. It triggers a high sense of self worth, promotes self esteem, gives confidence and general sense of well being.
Community centers are encouraged to have True Fathers and children interactive session that will make it possible for children to share their worries with an experienced elder, who is not necessarily their father, but has enough wisdom to share a different view to issues.
SUNDAY ACTIVITY
Our Sunday activity comprises of visits to churches, especially those that invite True Fathers to interact with their children, talk to them and encourage them to excel in school. We encourage churches to conduct special services targeting our youth, with specific topics on morality and the essence of good character.
We also visit hospitals and orphanages to encourage sick children that they will get well soon, and those in need of parental guidance in the orphanage, that the government and other human right organizations are looking out for them.
FRUITS OF GOOD CHARACTER
1 CONTENTMENT.
– A state of happiness and satisfaction.
2 HONESTY
– The quality of being honest.
3 HUMILITY
– The quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance.
4 KINDNESS
– The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
5 OBEDIENCE
– Compliance to an order, request, or law or submission to another authority.
6 ORDERLINESS
– The quality of being well arranged or organized in a neat, careful and logical way.
7 PATIENCE
– The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.
8 PERSISTENCE
– The fact of continuing an opinion or course of action inspite of difficulty or opposition.
9 HELPFULNESS
– The quality of giving or being ready to give help.
10 COURAGE
– The ability to do something that frightens one; bravery. Strength in face of pain or grief.
11 COURTESY
– The showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior towards others.
12 DISCERNMENT
– The ability to judge well.
13 FAIRNESS
– Impartial or just treatment or behavior without favouratism or discrimination.
14 FRIENDLINESS
-The quality of being friendly, affability.
15 GENEROSITY
– The quality of being kind and generous.
16 GENTLENESS
– The quality of being kind, tender or mild-mannered.
17 TACTFULNESS
The quality or skill of handling difficult or delicate situations without giving offense.
18 WISDOM
– The quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgement; the quality of being wise.
2. BUILDING SPIRITUALITY (THE COMFORTER)
GOD IS LOVE.
THE CHARACTER OF GOD
- Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. Love is patient and kind.
- Love does not envy or boast.
- It is not arrogant or rude.
- It does not insist on its own way.
- It is not irritable or resentful.
- It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
- Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes in all things and endures all things.
THE COMFORTER IS A FATHER TO THE FATHERLESS
God is the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being.
If you believe that you breath in oxygen, that there is day and night, the sun shines, the seasons; summer, fall, winter and spring, then you should believe in God.
The comforter is also known as the Holy Spirit to Christian believers and through power of the Holy spirit, believers are saved, filled, sealed and sanctified. The Holy Spirit reveals God’s thoughts, teaches, and guides believers into all truth.
The Holy Spirit also helps people in their weaknesses and intercedes for them.
ANALIZING THE PILLARS
The first pillar of building character is just as important as the second pillar which is allowing the Comforter to dwell in you, except that the Comforter gives you additional power to handle and overcome the challenges of life.
The second pillar is designed to build up our children spiritually.
– Children are special gift from God to humanity.
– The comforter gives children the inner strength to know that they are not alone and that God is always with them. He is the one who walks with them through the joys and adversities of life.
– It gives you the inner strength to deal with disappointments and helps you to overcome challenges.
– It gives you the confidence and boldness to achieve great things.
– It helps to promote resilience to life’s threatening situations like depression and a feeling of abandonment.
IMPORTANT FACTOR
There are prerequisites for the Comforter to dwell in a person. Apart from having a good character, you need to have the fruits of the Holy spirit to enjoy the peace of God. If you have only the first pillar, which is building your character, you will be fine. However, a combination of the first pillar and the second pillar will give you the true power you need to succeed in life.
FRUIT OF THE COMFORTER (HOLY SPIRIT)
- LOVE whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.
- JOY a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
- PEACE freedom from disturbance.
- PATIENCE the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.
- KINDNESS the quality of being friendly, generous , and considerate.
- GOODNESS the quality of being morally good or virtuous.
- FAITHFULNESS the quality of being faithful; fidelity.
- GENTLENESS the quality of being kind, tender or mild; mannered.
- SELF-CONTROL the ability to exercise restraint and moderation in various aspects of life, including our thoughts, words, actions and desires.
“DON’T TEACH THEM HOW TO HATE, TEACH THEM HOW TO LOVE.”“DON’T GET GUN, GET GOD.” by Enyi Nwadinobi
EXPECTED OUTCOME
The two pillars which are the building of one’s character and building your spirituality will give you the natural power to live a meaningful life.
1 It helps you to do well in school and stay in school.
2 It will help your career and sustain your successes.
3 It will help you to manage and overcome the challenges of life.
4 It will help you to manage and sustain interpersonal relationships.
5 It will help you to to engage and interact with people respectfully.
6 It will help you to avoid disagreements that could lead to a fight.
7 You will learn to have enough patience to consider alternatives to a problem.
8 Gives you the resilience to continue to work hard and be able to handle disappointments.
9 With the Comforter, you will never feel alone because you know that God is always with you.
10 You will have the wisdom to deal with life threatening situations.
11 It will reduce the number of young people that end up in prison.
12 It will reduce the number of young people that shoot people or getting shot.
13 You will learn that greatness is not found in positions, possessions and power, but in the humble and selfless service to the people.
14 It will continue to remind you of the unconditional and everlasting love of God.
PROGRAMS AND STRATEGIES
- TRUE FATHERS’ VOLUNTEERS
We canvas and create the necessary awareness to as many fathers as possible on what True Fathers is all about and solicit for them to volunteer to be of service to humanity by assisting in raising our children.
We are aware that nobody is allowed to speak to children under the age 18 in United States without the parents permission, the volunteer activities are designed to only take place in public with the permission and presence of one of the parents.
In doing the volunteer drive we have to be mindful of the character of those that we are looking for. We must look for men and women of integrity to avoid losing credibility in the face of those who hold us in high esteem. As such, the organization will have to come up with a selection process that include and not limited to the following categories of people.
- Retired school teachers
- Seating or retired judges
- Fathers who have done well in different walks of life and have shown high moral character.
- Church leaders and members.
- Civil servants
- Athletes
2. THE TRUE FATHERS’ BIOLOGICAL FATHER AND CHILD RECONCILIATION
A program to re-establish and reconnect children to their biological fathers will be a paramount task for the organization. This program sends the needed signal that True fathers are not trying to replace children’s biological Fathers, rather, they are doing everything humanly possible to mend strained or broken relationships which could have been caused by societal pressures.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD. JOIN THE TRUE FATHERS VILLAGE TO RAISE THE NEXT GENERATION.